Burns
A story on the parts of ourselves we try to erase, hide, imprison, and what happens when we finally set out to face them.
The girl turned the key, opened the door and a hot, dry breeze passed through, moving her hair. She closed the door behind her. It folded into itself once, twice, three times, until it became the size of a stamp, then disappeared. There was no turning back now. She looked ahead, at the flat expanse of rust-coloured sand, barren aside from the occasional thorny bush and knobby, barely surviving tree. The only way out was through.
She started walking, her feet barely leaving any trace on the hardened soil. She was carrying a heavy satchel and stopped a few times to take out a water bottle and have a few sips. She walked slowly but purposefully, as if she had an important task and knew the way, but was hesitant to get there.
For a long time, the inhospitable landscape was all the girl could see. Her bottle ran out and she put it away with a sigh. She took a few deep breaths, wiped her forehead with a handkerchief and carried on, sweaty, dusty. Finally, she found what she was looking for. What she had been trying to escape. Her destination. Despite the heat, she shivered. There it was, waiting. Hesitantly, she got closer.
A growl and a rattling of metal greeted her.
‘So, you’ve come, finally.’
The girl stopped and took a good look, lifting her head. In front of her was a tall, imposing tree, its branches bending in harsh angles, no leaf on them, like a weeping willow that had been twisted and manipulated by some cruel gardener. The tree was made of dark stone, and at its feet, bound, was the thing that had spoken. When her eyes reached it, she shivered again.
The creature stood up, emitting small wafts of smoke from her nostrils. She had a human face, with fangs protruding from her mouth, and the yellow eyes of a bird of prey. She moved on four legs, body covered in thick brown fur and long feathers, speckled white. The beast stretched and she saw her front paws, brown, with the claws of a lion. The rest of the creature’s body reminded her of a giant owl, with long legs covered in feathers and unforgiving talons. The creature looked at her and spoke again.
‘What are you doing here? Come to admire your handiwork?’
The creature lifted a wing slightly, and she saw them. Chains, some big and clunky and others thin and shiny. They ran all along the creature’s body and around the tree, ending in big loops around her neck and four paws. The girl sighed.
‘I am so sorry.’
The creature laughed, a sound like rocks clattering in a basin, mixed with the rattling of chains on her body.
‘You’ve come all this way to say you’re sorry? That’s it? Don’t you think it’s a bit late?’
‘I know it’s late. I’m sorry for that too. Let me explain, please…’
‘Explain?’ The creature interrupted her with deep contempt in her voice, ‘You want to explain this? You want to stand there and talk, whilst I’m here, bound and burdened by these chains? You want to explain why I’ve been a prisoner for all this time?’
The girl looked down, dragging her foot on the sand, then took a breath and looked at the creature again, slowly, as if it cost her a big effort. ‘I came to help.’
‘Help, explain, you sure came to do a lot of things. Well, I don’t need your help. No help could make things better. And even if you helped me…’ The creature narrowed its eyes and crouched, smoke billowing again from her nose, ‘that might not help you. I could eat you. I could tear you to pieces. I could burn you to ashes. You should run, my dear. Hide. Go back to hiding, you’re so good at it.’
The girl’s stomach froze and she took a step back. She was about to turn around and run away, then she remembered. She might not find the door to escape. Even if she managed to find it and go back to her world as it used to be, she would feel the same as before. Trapped, incomplete, scared. Wrong. And what if she couldn’t find the key a second time and closed that door behind her forever? She grabbed her arms with her hands and reminded herself: going back could be worse than facing the creature.
She shook her head, squared her shoulders and steadied her feet. The creature looked at her, shook her whole body and took a small step forward, as far as the clattering chains would allow.
‘Feeling brave today, are we? Ready to face your worst nightmare?’
‘No.’
‘What are you saying?’ the creature snarled.
‘I’ve had worse nightmares outside of here. You are not the worst.’
‘Don’t patronize me! Of course, I am! Otherwise, why would I be here?’
The girl took a small step forward, then another. She was shaking slightly.
‘Because I was ashamed of you.’ One small step. ‘I decided to hide you.’ One small step. ‘I decided to run from you.’ One small step. ‘I thought you were evil.’ One small step. ‘I thought you made me evil.’
The girl was right in front of the creature now, barely out of her reach. Her last words seemed to make her furious, as she roared and reared up on her hind paws, pulling at the chains. ‘Evil? I was fundamental. You needed me. In chaining me, you tore yourself apart. You buried yourself away.’
The beast stared at her, imposing, eyes and mouth blazing. The girl could already feel the intense heat emanating from her jaws; she hoped it would be over soon. The creature spoke again, sparks flying out of her mouth. ‘And guess what? I’ve become the monster you thought I was.’
The creature roared and red fire started pouring from her mouth. It spiralled and billowed and enveloped the girl. It was as light as smoke in the air and sticky and heavy like scorching hot molasses where it touched her skin. She felt it coat her clothes, her skin, her eyes and burn through everything, and she screamed in searing pain. She felt her skin crumple, lift from the muscles, and peel off in chunks, and yet, she stayed there, still and awake; her mind was there, her senses aware of everything.
After no longer than a few minutes, the fire phased out and stopped. The girl was still standing, naked, skinless, blind, whimpering. She managed to move her lips and what came out was, ‘Is that all?’ She felt the air move and four nails sharp as razors cut through her shoulder. She fell to her knees, panting, burnt, wounded. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whimpered. ‘I’m so sorry.’
She heard the creature panting, then felt her fall to the ground with a thud that shook everything around. They were both exhausted now. She reached out with one hand and felt thick hair. The creature didn’t move. She kept feeling her way along what seemed like a paw until she found the loop that bound it. ‘What are you doing now?’ said the creature in a plaintive voice. ‘Are you not tired yet? Why don’t we just die and be done with this?’
The girl didn’t answer. She forced herself to her knees and started groping around until she found it: the burnt remains of her satchel and the bolt cutters she had carried all the way. This would be her only chance. She crawled back to the creature, placed the bolt cutters around the loop on her paw, and pressed the handles together with all her remaining strength. The loop snapped.
The girl felt a weight in her sockets again; her eyes had grown back. She opened them and the first things she saw were the loop dissolving in smoke and the extremely puzzled face of the creature lying sideways on the ground. She quickly crawled to the other paw and cut the second loop. The creature looked at the red, deep marks of the loops around her paws, then at her. Thin layers of cells were slowly forming on the girl’s body and the creature’s marks. Healing streaks of new skin. Feeling some strength coming back, the girl smiled and stood up, gingerly, then walked up to the creature’s hind legs.
‘Why are you doing this? I just hurt you. I hate you. It’s too late.’ The girl cut the loop around one paw, then the other, came back to face the creature, who was now only bound by her neck.
‘I know. I hated you too, for a long time. It didn’t work. I hurt you for all these years. You’re angry. That’s fine.’ The creature was now getting back on her feet; she looked at the girl, eyes welling up. ‘I didn’t want to be like this. You told me I was evil. Selfish. Ungrateful. You told me I made you evil and wrong. You imprisoned me.’ The girl stepped forward, lifting the bolt cutters to the creature’s neck.
‘I know. I can’t make it right, but I can at least stop it. This ends here.’ She cut the last loop and the chains crumbled into ashes.
The creature looked at her through tears. ‘I’m free?’ The wind started blowing as the creature took a few tentative steps. ‘I’m free?’ She spread her wings and moved her tail, looking at the girl in disbelief. Then she shook her whole body, the fur and feathers puffing up, expanding and stretching in all directions, and started trotting, then galloping around the stone tree.
She spread her giant wings and took flight, going up and up, becoming smaller and smaller to the eyes of the girl, until she looped over herself and dived towards the ground, only to stop suddenly and glide close to the ground, raising dust clouds with the flapping of her wings.
In that instant, a rumble came from the stone tree; from its branches, water began to drip, then trickle, then pour like a fountain, drenching the girl who was still standing there, looking to the sky, to the creature cavorting in celebration. She tossed the bolt cutters to the ground, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, opening her arms wide.
‘I AM FREE,’ they roared.
This is incredible. And exactly what I needed to hear today: accepting all of the parts of me, even the ones that aren’t so pretty. You’re a wonderful writer. Thank you for sharing this story with the world. ❤️
Powerful and evocative.